mornin’ merrymakers 🤍 👗 🛍️ 📱 🚨 🛋️,

i was on a mission last week to shop for one thing.

a white dress for my welcome party. flattering, flowy, ideally something i will actually wear again.

i'd barely made it past the entrance when a pajama brand stepped right in front of me, holding up a matching set for the morning of. followed immediately by someone telling me that i must have a second look.

all cute, but distractions from my goal.

a few stores later, a sandal brand i'd looked at once, back in march, was waiting for me. it apparently hadn’t forgotten me.

then came the beauty products. red light everything. micro needling. brow gels. self tanners. hair supplements. sleep supplements. every few steps, someone new. louder than the last. each one very sure they knew what i needed as a “bride-to-be.”

two hours later, i had no dress.

i did have three new tabs open, a discount code that expired at midnight, & a creeping suspicion that i was sucked deep into a consumer spiral.

i never left my couch.

this was instagram. every single one of these interactions was an ad on my feed.

thus ad nauseum.

here's what gets me as someone who loves shopping in person.

when i walk into a store, i chose to be there. i came with a question, even a loose one. the store or mall’s job is to answer it.

on instagram, i didn't come to shop at all. i came to remember the name & birthday of my friend's new baby.

the shopping came to me (unasked for). the feed turns every idle minute into a sales floor.

you're not browsing.

you're being browsed.

a friend of mine has a rule:

it's a smart way to save money, considering how many millions brands are pouring into meta. but i think it's something bigger, too. it's a way of keeping the decision his and his clothing an expression of himself.

not an expression meta thinks he should have of himself.

in a store, i can say “just looking” & a good associate will give me space.

on the feed, there's no “just looking.”

looking is the transaction you are paying for by just scrolling your feed.

& stores aren't innocent. brands pay real money for that endcap & that eye-level shelf. but the endcap stays in the store. it doesn't follow me to bed.

online, you get chosen.

in a store, you do the choosing.

when everything is targeted, choice starts to feel like an illusion. some ads are genuinely helpful. but after enough of them, i can't tell if i want something or if i've just been told i want it enough times.

somewhere between the fourth ad & the fortieth, i stop feeling like a shopper with choice. i start feeling like inventory in support of a brand’s financial goal.

the stores i love give me the opposite feeling.

room to wander. permission to pick something up & put it back. an associate who answers my question instead of inventing a new one. the freedom to leave with nothing & not get chased out the door for hours or weeks afterwards. 

if you’re curious, i ended up taking the dress search entirely offline & was much more successful. i ended up buying a brand that didn’t target me in a dress style i didn’t think i like. plus i had a way better time!