peace out perfectionism

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greetings great one,

if you suffer from people pleasing, odds are high you’re familiar with her sister, perfectionism. in fact XX % of you answered that you do.

perfection is that inner critic telling you that you’re never ____ enough.

• never rich enough

• never safe enough

• never good enough

• never smart enough

• never pretty enough

• never strong enough

• never perfect enough

• never popular enough

• never talented enough

much of this stems from our societal scarcity mindset. so many believe that we’re somehow fundamentally lacking & there's never enough to go around.

these dangerous limiting beliefs are getting worse as proven by a study that documented a 33% increase in perfectionism since 1989.

we can’t quickly reverse this trend for everyone,

but today we’ll slowly rewire the perfectionism in ourself.

the energy dracula

many think perfection is rooted in striving.

but perfection is much more rooted in shame.

in the insecurities of our flaws being exposed & in the deep seated fear that if we're not perfect, we won't be loved or accepted.

perfectionism = low self-worth.

if you have even the slightest bit of perfectionistic tendencies, you may not even realize the high price you pay for perfection:

• you fear taking risks which reduces rewards.

• you burn out yourself which creates more stress.

• you resist vulnerability which prevents connection.

• you wait for perfection which becomes procrastination.

• you strive for the unattainable which leads to disappointment.

perfectionism is an energy dracula,

sucking the joy right out of your life.

take it from the queen of perfectionism & vulnerability research, brené brown 

a psychopathic parasite

here's the kicker & truth we all know:

perfection doesn't exist.

but, oh, how the world profits from convincing us otherwise.

from the time we're little, we're bombarded with messages that we need to look a certain way, avoid mistakes at all costs, & meet arbitrary gold standards in everything from school to sports to work.

i know this from my own journey.

i spent 15 years dancing as a ballerina & another 10 crunching numbers in finance. two worlds filled with tough flaw-free cookies, where mistakes were not accepted & perfection was expected.

so yes i’m very much a recovering perfectionist.

& this is not in the humble brag interview answer way. my perfectionism had a chokehold on me in the most conniving way. she masqueraded as admirable traits of being detail-oriented, hard-working, & career driven.

she made me believe that perfectionism was a prerequisite was for success.

when really perfectionism was a trauma response, helping me hide & preventing my success.

said less nicely:

merry mistakers

to help me overcome this i named my inner perfectionist psycho.

i call her penny.

when penny whispers in my ear, i listen, thank her for trying to to protect me, & then ask her what she really wants.

boy does she love to wrap her insecurities in the most fashionable outfits.

here’s a few examples:

penny wants to be enough.

but the world loves to tell her that she isn’t enough.

way too many businesses profit from this approach. selling solutions that leave us feeling worse & wanting more.

this infuriates me.

so i’m protesting by phoning & mailing it in more.

i invite you to join me in this messy make-up free club of merry mistakers.

the drink of water you actually need.

a thirst quenching reality in this desert of deceit.

merry partner: babbel

i’m excited to introduce you to today’s newsletter — babbel.

you can learn a new language before this month is even over! how cool is that?!

if you’re interested in learning more or want to help keep my newsletter free, will you please do me a tiny favor & click this link below?

i appreciate you so much!

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being real beats perfect of paper any time,

p.s. i’d love to understand your struggles with perfection a little more. will you pretty please answer this poll?