it's about damn time

Read time: 3 minutes

morning merry maker,

last week we learned the 5 love languages in 5 minutes. as quick refresher, the 5 languages are quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, & receiving gifts.

to learn your love language, you can take the free quiz or think of a time when someone made you feel really loved then categorize yourself accordingly.

oh and if calling these love languages makes you cringe for any reason, think instead of these as care codes.

and keep in mind that your ability to show care is only limited by your imagination & your knowing of another. so think of these as guidance, not rules.

especially important as we’re looking at all of these with the lens of friendship.

the care codes are ways of showing a friend you care in the way they want to be cared for.

first up, the most popular (& my primary) care code — quality time.

quality timer’s (qt’s for short) core truth is

presence = the best present

for qt’s proximity is not enough. they need the same place, same time, & same vibes.

last week we learned quality time is the top ranked love language of americans at 38%.

preferred language for 43% of females & 33% of males.

splitting the data by age shows a slightly higher preference by young & the old.

splitting the data by US census region shows a slightly higher preference by the westerners.

worth briefly noting that most people don’t share the same love language as their partner. this trend is clearly shown in the below distribution of how a person & their partner receive love.

but of all the pairings, quality time is the most likely to be shared at 43%, followed by words of affirmation at 38%.

this makes sense given that quality time requires two way participation.

wouldn’t work well if someone preferred you spend more time picking out thoughtful gifts or doing acts of service for them.

i’m willing to bet this distribution holds true for friends too.

so now that you now the stats, lets talk about the steps to take for qt’s.

to spot a qt, look for friends that:

• go out of their way to make plans with you

• prefer phone & video calls over texts

• will to travel & fly to spend time with you

• love inside jokes & re-telling shared stories

• go deep in conversation, emotionally & intellectually

to speak quality time remember to practice the SATs:

• share: your experiences, thoughts, feelings, & ideas. self-revelation is critical for connection here.

• attention: should be fully focused on them. try your best to ignore distractions.

• togetherness: can’t spend (or spell) quality time with U & I so shared activities are a must.

ways to show you care to a quality timer:

• food or drink dates

• long walks or hikes

• recurring hangs

• joint errands

• book clubs

• road trips

• car time

the concept of quality time might seem simple, but its impact on friendship can be profound.

showing yet again how time is the secret to friendship because it fosters trust, shared experiences, & mutual understanding — all crucial elements of connection.

if you love quality time like i do, know that these quality time tips can also be applied to YOU.

you can fill your self-care cup up with:

• journaling

• meditating

• doing hobbies

• walking in nature

and during this quality me time, work to cultivate presence by giving your full attention to you.

remind yourself during solo or shared quality time:

quality time is all about presence. these are my favorite reads on focus:

• the power of now by echkart toole

• essentialism by greg mckeown

• stolen focus by johann hari

• flow by mihaly csikszentmihalyi

and to help you give the present of presence, i made you a gift guide for quality time too!

best gifting categories are games, activities, & adventures. current link is missing external links, but don’t worry i will be building it out more over time.

and to show some love to the other languages, here’s their ideal coffee talk:

my merrymaking mission is to help you make others merry.

i know that cards are only part of the equation so i’ve created two new blogs to provide even more help:

1. what to write to help you find the perfect words

2. gift guides to help you find the perfect gift

right now i only have 5 what to write’s and 1 gift guide, but i’ll be adding more each week so please let me know what would be most helpful you!

excited to get touchy with y’all next week!

p.s. whenever you need help, i’m always here for you from custom cards to corporate workshops to our merry membership. i got you, friend!